three days in a row. i slept so late, thinking of some good way to kiss. i heard that song on tv, about angel…then i looked at a reflection in my mirror. staring at its lips. i could smell them. strawberry field. another song. i closed my eyes, picturing a kiss. some good kiss.
i may not touch myself. i may not curse you for being so far.
"let’s not get addicted to something like this."
"this! kissing and all. let’s not. i don’t want to be animal."
"oh…please. since when kissing is making people animals?"
"since i knew you."
i can’t sleep again now. i’m obsessed to lips. even chapped ones. i bought so many kinds of lip balms last week. one with sunscreen, the other with flavor, the other one with sheer color, the other one tastes like wax. i moisture my lips almost every half an hour. don’t lick. licking lips will dry them worse.
no, of course kissing is not making people animals. people themselves make people animals. kissing you won’t ever turn me into something not me. but, will i have the grip? i don’t want to lose control, but i’m sure i will. i laugh so hard sometimes just thinking of the kiss. damn you, adrenaline. i’m riding my invisible roller coaster every night now.
"let’s not meet."
"i don’t want to kiss you."
"says who we’ll kiss?"
"oh, shut up!"
"i thought you promised me never to shout."
"i’ve just broken my promise."
"don’t call me again."
i kill myself thinking of kissing you…and i’m still awake.