out of sort

grumpy me

I’m a horrible person. Someone who can see aura will probably say I’m a total turnoff and I will laugh that off to camouflage my humiliated self. I don’t smile that much, a friend of mine would testify to that. I curtly speak and slay with my eyes. Once someone said to me while turning her face away, “Answer me with words, not a look. I don’t read between the lines.” After I stared at her to answer “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done in your life?” now I want her to know that I didn’t expect her to read my mind. I just didn’t know what to say and I would usually stare while thinking. My stare hurts. My eyes are razorblades.

People agree that I’m cold and grumpy. I could stick out a 50 cm plastic ruler to my friend at the office saying, “Was that supposed to be funny?!” with gritted teeth just because she annoys me while I’m staring out of the window looking out to the street. I don’t laugh to some jokes, and people will stop laughing and shove me off my seat. I get emotional over questions like, “Why don’t you try to wear girly shoes?” I would rise my tone shrieking, “Because they’re so unpractical and get so easily torn apart! Why on earth did those kind of shoes get invented anyway!” and someone will turn me down with, “Easy…easy…” I get mad at questions that I think try to change me. Me and my ill mind…

Soon I will look older than my age because of these angers I explode. I will get wrinkly and drained and some people will say, “I’ve told you…” I will laugh and say, “Yeah, I should’ve listened.” I hope I’m turning good before everything’s too late.

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