out of sort

play mode: repeat all

so i was sort of sitting in front of my pc aimlessly, viewing pictures in fullscreen slideshow, listening to old songs, and thinking how i’ve lost too many people along the way. too many people to ache over. then i stopped the slideshow and burned some of the pics into the first blank cd i could find in my shoebox for i couldn’t stand to keep seeing them flashing everytime i browsed around. so there. separately kept. then i removed some of the songs from the playlist. yeah, two things that awaken deep-buried memories are scents and sounds.

so now all i see are manipulated pics only. in grayscale and black background.
and all i listen to are :
Seize The Day – Avenged Sevenfold "i beg don’t leave me"
You Don’t Miss Your Water – Craig David "you don’t miss your water ’till the well runs dry"
Toxic Girl – Kings of Convenience "she’s intoxicated by herself"
Cant Sleep – St. Etienne "I cant sleep, wishing you were here with me"
oh yeah, undoubtedly i need pain. i’m not okay if i get constantly happy.
"are you trying to sound sick? are you crying out for attention?"
maybe. and i’m jack’s running self to save marla -huh?-

*hitting brick wall*

it’s all so scattered sometimes in my head. i know someone who always says "don’t make me bitchslap you in the face!" hehehehe. that self-proclaimed genius. well so where was i? hauehuahua. yeah, i’ve lost a lot. and even though i sound like i could let it go, deep inside it still hurts sometimes. and i still always hope i could turn back time to make them stay.
life is not fair, girl. deal with it.
ah i hate myself.


3 thoughts on “play mode: repeat all

  1. whoa! and suddenly, out of the sunny honeymoon days, angst clouds over the light..

    where did this come from?

    life will not teach us anything if everything stays as they are.. we gain some, we lose some.. knowing the feeling of lost will teach us how to hold on and value the ones we still have 🙂

  2. woa.,
    well i guest you’re too much thinking sis!

    don’t think too much you’ll get too stink if yo do that

    just follow the flow , past just to remember
    and life isn’t that bad

    well if everything going to heavy , just put your head to the bathtub on let it for five second

    work well for me …

  3. hi ophie… remember that this is just a phase (that will most likely happen more than once in your lifetime… hahaha)

    it just takes some getting used to… your heart will heal on its own pace… even without you trying so hard to forget. sometimes, remembering is not at all bad– i guess you must feel the pain first before your heart softens once more… see you around!

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