when you think you’re ready for something, oh well bricks fall on your head.
when you’re sure your expensive digital watch is dustproof, half an hour in a desert destroys it. well it was okay when you wore it around the city.
something is always wrong. then you decide to take a test on ‘personality disorder’ and find out that you’re not okay. but then, hey it’s just…like…50 questions. what could such little questions tell about the real you, right? the test is irrelevant. so you decide not to believe the result. then at night when you lay in your bed you get trouble falling asleep and start thinking that something is wrong. but the test was not to rely on. you know you’re manic. you know you know yourself so well. you need no test.
(and you start to ask why this post uses 2nd person)
then you get up, go to get a glass of cold water and drink and drink and drink until you want to take a leak. you’re still not sleepy. then you open your journal and read some notes to find so many words written in red ink. have you been angry? about what? with who? you close the journal then climb back into your bed and tuck yourself under the covers.
when you’re so close to something you’ve been dreaming of, it turns out to be a horrorshow.
you’re sick. yeah you are. for saying “horrorshow.”
then you decide that you’re just being dramatic instead of manic. or panic.
playing in the background : Frou Frou – I Must Be Dreaming
“…euphoria, i can’t take anymore of yah. euphoria, i can’t take anymore of yah. i’m losing it…”