galau · journal

learn to let go

i should have known from the first time we met that you’ve taken literally the whole of me. to the core. to the very atoms. and i should have known that the day of letting you go would eventually come and whatever preparation i do won’t do any good because it will still hurt in any way.

twenty months, dear. and the strongest nine. never more than two hours we got separated. and foolishly i always believed i would be your world solely. all you ever needed. but -of course- i was DANG wrong. hello ego, need a window?
i watch you grow smarter, happier, prettier each day. i watch you get more mature each day. soon you will soar with your own wings, dear. hope i’ll have learned my lesson well when the day comes and stop clinging on to you like a desperate fish on a hook.
forgive me for the way i see the world. i promise i won’t let you see it the way i do. yours should be one like tubby world. you should go out and play and make as many good friends as you can. maybe i will rot as a bitter cynical antisocial here at the bottom of my pride. but you won’t. you won’t. you won’t.

now, every morning when i watch you wake, i tell myself that you’re not mine to keep. not mine to cage in. not mine to chain down. but you’re given to me as a gift to nurture and take care until you can greet the world yourself. i have no right whatsoever to hold you back.
i’m learning to let you go, dear.
to let you go without crying in the end.

i guess i’m just intimidated. because i’m scared of losing you. so scared i never knew this kind of feeling exist.

*susah payah menelan ludah yang rasanya seperti biji kedondong sambil menahan tetesan air mata yang sudah menggenang*


2 thoughts on “learn to let go

  1. “forgive me for the way i see the world. i promise i won’t let you see it the way i do”

    Nice´n wise sentence 🙂

    To let go on that baby is the best gift given and I believe the best way to to “Keep yr baby close”

  2. thank you for swinging by 🙂

    yes, i’ve learned by now that parents’ duty is actually to make sure their children are ready and well to face the world on their own. not to keep them.

    nice to meet you, Donamor.

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