journal · romance

the 3rd anniversary

last march 31st was our 3rd wedding anniversary and nothing happened. guess we’ve been together for too long even before this kind of thing mattered to us. we’ve gone through the worst storm this far and that counted more than just a celebration, i think.

you got home from work with a small cake and a tiny candle on our 1st anniversary, and our baby girl was only three months old that evening. she was fast asleep when we blew the tiny candle together and kissed and laughed. the second anniversary passed with no cake, leave alone a candle or a card. but we were still awake when the clock stroke midnight and having a good mild talk and “happy anniversary” to each other. this year… we were too tired to even stay up late and too awkward to celebrate. but, hey, you stayed home that day and called in sick. well, you were unwell. sore throat and all. so we had no morning kiss because you didn’t want me to catch the germs. we acted if the day was just like any other day. i kissed your cheek and said “happy anniversary” anyway at the end of the day. and it didn’t matter. our girl was 2, 3 and she mattered more.

but the next day you told me we had to take pictures every year on march 31st, and i said our girl would be taller than us in one of the future pictures. you said, “pictures of us. just the two of us.” and… you don’t know how much it meant to me. i guess at that very moment i got shaken out of me and realized how little we’ve spent quality time together since Ayesha came. we only had late nights together watching DVD’s or early morning lovemaking (trying to be quiet and not to wake our girl to catch us doing it. mwahaha… ) we’ve been, most of the time, mom and dad or wife and husband – and so little lovers to each other.

i miss the days when we were still dating. the inconvenient distance and all. the rocky journey and all. the knowledge that we didn’t have a real thing to hold on to and that we could go on different directions anytime of the days. i miss them. now that we’re married and constantly wake up next to each other every morning. i’ve become the back of your hand and vice versa. i feel so safe and contented and comfortable and… it could be a latent enemy. what if we get bored? what if I get bored? because i know how amazingly patient and understanding you are. because i know you will DO fight for me and our girl’s happiness at all cost. you won’t mess up. but i potentially will when i get bored.

i want to be a lover allover again. i want us to spend more quality time together. as a couple.

playing the background : “Take me out tonight. Because I want to see people and I want to see life. Driving in your car, oh please don’t drop me home. Because it’s not my home, it’s their home and I’m welcome no more. And if a doubledecker bus crushes into us. To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die…”  – There Is A Light That Never Goes Out , The Smiths


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