i can’t hardly remember death. maybe because i choose not to. i know it took the ones i held so dear close to the heart; my mom’s mother, my dad’s father, my best friend’s mom… then i really hoped there would be no more ice cold foreheads to kiss goodbye. but, of course, it would be an empty hope. death will always be around to steal any souls it wishes to reap.
i’ve dreamed of death more than once. not mine, but my beloved ones’. the bad dreams made me wake up in cold sweat with a squeezed heart and running out breath. they lent me a minute or two to know how it would feel to lose and live without and they horrified me. but, at the same time, i knew the time would eventually come and i would have to be prepared for it.
now, my dad’s mother is in her crisis. several days ago my dad told me that she might not last for too long anymore though there were mornings where she woke up in good energy (…and fell unconscious at the end of the day.) i never really got so close to her the way i did with my mom’s mother, but she’s packed me up so many memories and it won’t be easy to know she won’t be around for too long. since my dad told me the unfortunate news, it’s always been startling to hear my phone rings or receives a text. i expect nothing yet have to be prepared for anything. how could that be?
Dear God, whenever the time is, let us all be strong by then. Amin.