It seems that I’ve been locking myself with challenges. Three 365 projects and now an ABC challenge. I don’t mind, of course. Love and enjoy them, even. But deep down I know if anyone ever seriously challenge me for something bigger, something more realistic, I would chicken out and run. So much of a challenge seeker.
Guess I challenge myself because I know if it should fail I would be the only person who gets hurt or disappointed in the case. If it keeps going until the end but not as smooth as it’s supposed to be, again, I would be the only one who feels awful. But, most of all, I challenge myself because I want to do it the way I wish. Yes, me first and the gimme gimme. I never aim for goals, just want to enjoy the ride. Let it be slow or fast, up or down, my mood controls. Basically, I do it for myself. If others feel like enjoying it, I will be drugged (in a good way.)
But why? Along the way some friends offered me to branch my challenges to a real piece of work, but -like I said- fear was a factor. I chickened out and ducked. Guess I never confide in myself enough to meet other people’s demands. Yeah it’s a sad truth, not to mention stupid. I can’t keep my heart in the closet forever, can I?
Maybe after all of the “fun” challenges are done, I will challenge myself to let people challenge me in return.
day forty of 365